no help for that

fog

there is a place in the heart that

will never be filled

a space

and even during the
best moments
and
the greatest times
times

we will know it

we will know it
more than
ever

there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled
and

we will wait
and
wait

in that space.

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On Time

I cannot pinpoint when I became fixated on time. 940,982,400 seconds have passed since the day of my birth and for a significant chunk of them I was not concerned with time or its relentless march onward. As I have matured and become more familiar with the concept of mortality, the value that I place on time has increased. Time for me is one of my greatest concerns.

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Sea Change

For a long time I’ve had problems making decisions. I tend to overthink things that could probably use less thinking. I sit spinning my wheels, stuck in my own mind, focused on the wrong things. Many of them are driven by fear or paranoia. Many more times it is because I can’t work out the whole issue at once. I get caught thinking about minor details and I miss the big picture. As a result, I’ve made the wrong decisions many more times than I should have because I ignored the core instincts that are supposed to guide me.

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Curmudgeon

One of the games my cousins and I used to play growing up involved throwing a lawn dart as high into the air as possible and then running, hoping it wouldn’t penetrate our skulls. The adults would be off drinking and firing off bottle rockets into the sky while ostensibly discussing the cultural significance Ace of Base’s hit “The Sign.” I think I can safely say that I’m in the last generation that will be involved in games like that.

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Old Pal

Brown eyes, plaid shirts, witty retorts and a “fuck your opinion” mindset.
How could I not see it coming?

“Come and take it.” So I did – how could I not?
Fall off a stool into an embrace, pressed against that brick wall.
Mind and heart racing.
Reprehensible.

Whiskey, beer and cigarettes living with no regrets; well perhaps, some.

That fateful May day. Pigs and red hats – balloon animals made.
Rise in a haze on alcohol soaked sheets – see you soon.

This is not what you think it is – so you say – but that can’t be true.
There is more than just a literal gulf separating me from you.

Here I wait, pulse racing every time my phone shakes.
I just want to see my old pal.